Alice in Wonderland Has gone Home.

This is my final post.  My sweet sister Alice passed on November 3, 2013.

She was at home on Hospice.  Me and her son was with her.  Each of had her hand and we were saying the Lords Prayer.  I looked at her and told her she could go home.  Her work was done here and we were going to be fine.  David told her that Becky and Barbara was there waiting for her. These were her two daughters she lost many years ago.

 

She opened her eye and looked at us took a small breath and was gone.  The pain is so sharp in my heart and I know she is with God and so much better off.   No more memory problems , no more pain and confusion.  Although she is at rest we here that are left behind can't help , but feel the pain. 

 

We got Irv up and he was able to sit and tell her his own goodbye's.  We called the Hospice Nurse and she got there about an hour afterwards.  My daughter's Daniela and Tracy came next to be with us for our support. 

 

The girls went through some old pictures to help make a DVD for the memorial service.  So glad they were there as I would have been no help at all.

 

Irv had Alice cremated on Tuesday and we had the memorial service on Sunday the 10th.  It turned out well and everyone was so kind.

 

Alice's birthday was November the 23rd and Irv burned the candle the Funeral office made for Irv all day on her birthday.  She would have been 76 years old.

 

This is going to be a very sad Thanksgiving this year, but thankfully Irv is coming down for dinner with the family.  I am not sure if David is coming he has not mad a decision yet.

 

I ma keep on writing , but not on this page.  This was Alice's and  to keep writing does not seem right.

 

I love you sweet sister and you will always be here with me in spirit if not in body.  I want to always remember your beautiful smile, funny talking time and sharing our lives together.  Be happy with Jesus and I pray to be with you when God calls me home.

 

Love ,

Your sister Jessie

Month too Month signs of Winter

It is now November 13th 2012 and Alice is getting close to another birthday.  I am not sure how much she remembers anymore.  She didn't remember me when I got to Delmar Gardens today and wanted me to leave.  The nurse said to leave for about 30 minutes are so and then try and go back in to see her. 

She had not gone to sleep, but was just laying in bed.  When I walked in instead of saying hi hon I tried what the nursed do   Hi Miss Alice and she was fine with me being there then.  i think she feels comfortable with the staff and I just felt strange to her when I came in this morning.

When the therapist came to get her to walk before lunch I walked in front of her and the two Ladies and I  talked about Thanksgiving and I  talked about her dressing she used to make that all her kids loved and they would eat it before it got in the oven if she did not watch them.  LOL  She kind of smiled and said Dressing. 

When I think about how Thanksgivings used to be it is so sad.  This picture is from when she had her broken hip, but I have not a  picture lately and she is 10 times worse.  Prayers is the only thing I can turn too and I am thankful for the time we had a lunch today.  I helped her with the food, but she also fed herself.   

My sister is so lucky to have a man like Irv to love her.  I am so luck to have her for my sister.  I thank God for his blessings for us both.

The Sky is Falling

You have heard the story The Sky is Falling I bet?  Well that is the way I have been feeling for about a month now.

Alice had a stroke and the doctor at the hospital said he thought she might be able to get back to her base line of how she was before she had the stroke.  I think he was just trying to soften the answer he gave me and Irv.  It is bad enough to fight your way back from a stroke, but to have Alzheimer's along with it makes it even worse.

Alice now has a feeding tube in her stomach and she wants to sleep all the time.  She can't eat anything like mashed potatoes, pudding or cream of wheat unless someone is with her to make sure she does not choke.  The physical therapy to help her walk is very hard and needs lots of help with that.  She sleeps in her wheel chair and and is so hard to keep her awake. .  Irv thinks if they can get her walking he can take care of her.  He has been doing it all this time, but this is going to be even harder.  Dr Hu has talked to him about putting her in a home, but he does not want to do that.  He loves her so much she is blessed to have Irv. 

Tracy went down to Aunt Alice and took Riley.  Alice touched her face and hand and Tracy said she could tell Alice was liking the baby there.

I went to the show and out to eat with Patti, Pat and Sam last night and Patti thought it would help take my mind off what is going on, but when we went to Steak N Shake it just reminded me that she will not be able to go there again and that is the last place I took her before she got worse.  It is so hard to watch someone you love change before your eyes.

I just talked to Irv and I am going back down to be with her tomorrow so Irv can get a break.  This illness is so hard on the caretakers.

Well will stop for now and continue another day.

Where has Everyone gone?

Alice still has the sweetest smile.  That is when we can get her to smile.  I went out to see her on Friday last week September the 7th 2012 and she didn't talk much unless you ask her questions.  I told my daughters I and they remember when she would call and talk and talk.  She called me every day and sometimes I would think why does she call everyday when there is nothing new to talk about.  Watch what you wish for.  Now I would give anything for the phone to ring and it was the old Alice chatting away.

Caregivers of people with loved ones with Alzheimer's should be given gold stars in Heaven.  I know Irv and David get frustrated and need a break, but they are still there for her.  They told me a few weeks ago she left the house, because she didn't belong there anymore.  They watched as she walked to the street in the subdivision at 10 at night then followed behind her.  David said she walk till 2:30 in the morning.  I don't know how she did it.  I guess our minds can do strange things to our body.  She finely sat on the ground and Dave went up to her and she even recognized him and said she was so tire and wanted to go home.  He had to carry her home.  The police stopped them to find out what was going on.    She didn't remember any of this. 

Two nights ago she was going to leave again ,but the police had told them to put a lock on the bedroom door so she couldn't get out and hurt herself.  They said she yelled and banged on the door two hours before going to sleep.  She kept yelling for help.  It is so hard to hear things like this about my sister.  It makes you wonder what is coming next.

If I talk about mom or dad she will talk a little, but she does not remember anyone from just a week ago.  She sometimes remembers me and other times not.  The same with Irv and Dave , but because they live there they keep reminding her.  It is night that is the worse.  The Sun Downers is bad then.  I have not spent the night in a long time as me being there and not living in the house it throws her off her regular routine of people there at night.

She hears real well and sees great for her age.  The memory is just in the past.  I sure don't want this to take over my life, because I know what it does to the family of loved ones around you.  Of course she does not know what is happening with us so no worry there.

The one thing for sure I know she loves to have people around in the day.  Not so much at night.  She loves to have someone visit her.  Even if she does not remember who you are.  My wish is there were more people to just come and sit with her a few hours.  It sure would help Irv from being in the room with her all the time.  If I had a better car and gas money I could do it, but it is 45 minutes each way.

Well I will be going back out sometime next week.  Anyone that gets the urge to visit with me or alone I will take it.

You know this helps so much to just write down my feelings so hope it is not a bore for anyone else.

Time stands still , but the days keep going.

After visiting Friday I thought I should sit down and just jot down some of my thoughts.  I don't think Alice knew me when I came in the front room from the kitchen.  She seemed happy I was visiting , but seemed to be off in a distance.

She was confused much of the time while I was there and kept asking me when she needed to leave.  I told her this was her home and she would be spending the night here in her own bedroom. 

Alice if having a hard to eating anything that takes a lot of chewing.  She had eaten a half of a hamburger sandwich when I told her to spit it out and start over as it had to be all dried out.
She is like a little Chipmonk.  She is looking so frail.  She does like ice cream and sweets and soda.  Irv is still getting her to drink Ensure.  She is down to about 143 now.

Wish I could loose weight , but not like her.  She is always forgetting her cane in the bathroom or kitchen. 

She fell last week and broke her dentures.  Thank God she did not break any bones.  She didn't remember doing that either.

It sure makes me sad to watch her going down hill, but there is nothing we can do about it.  She does not talk much anymore when I go out to visit her.  So sad as she was such a talker.  LOL.

Always New in Alice's eyes.

Sitting here looking at this picture makes me smile.  There is my beautiful sister her little son Joey and me the baby sister.  I was always following Alice around and staying over at her house.  Those were many many years ago.

This past Sunday I went out to Alice's to take her out for lunch and spend the day with her.  She was very happy to see me even though I had talked to her on the phone on the way out to see her.  She had forgotten I was coming.  We went to Steak N Shake and she thought it was a really nice place and said she had never been there before.  LOL of course she had and it was one of her favorite places to go.

She kept saying how nice it is to get out, and she says she never goes anywhere.  Wrong again.  Irv took her to church that morning and they went to Jack in the Box for breakfast.  I don't know where it came from , but she asked me if I thought Mom would be happy we were out together.  Then she looked up to the ceiling and said (Mom do you see me and Jessie here.  Does this make you happy?) I just smiled and man behind her smiled too.

First she wanted a strawberry shake, then when she saw my cherry coke she asked if she could have one of those too.  Said she had never had one.  We left and went to the store for a little while and then home.

She got upset because Irv bought a cat tower for Miss Kitty to scratch on.  She didn't want it in the floor, but pushed against the wall.  Every time Irv sat it out she would go behind him and move it.  She is very dedicated to what she wants and the way she wants it.  That is the Alice I know.

I stayed for dinner then came home.  It seems easier to do it like that for now.  If I wake up and come out and she is in the front room she get a worried look on her face like who am I and what am I doing in her house.  Well guess I will stop now and wait for my next trip out. 

Mother's Day 2012

I decided to spend the day with Alice on Mother's Day even though she did not remember it was a special day.  I stopped on the way out to pick up a Cherry Cheese Cake that she likes and a card.  I felt at least if she forgets she can look at the card and remember for a while.  I called when I was almost there to let her know I would be there. 

I drove up and went inside.  She seemed surprised that I was there , but was glad I came.  LOL  I gave her The candy and card and she was all smiles, but seemed sad that she didn't have me anything.  I kept telling her no big deal.  I just wanted to surprise her.

Got a call from Pat saying her and Sam and Patti were stopping by for a short visit.  I was so happy they came.  She gets no visitors except me and that has got to be pretty boring.  She didn't remember them and wanted to show them the whole house all over again.  They brought her a box of candy and guess what yep she was happy.  I wish she had friends, but she has been out of work and never seemed to keep up with anyone and when you are older and don't keep up with other's you get forgotten.  She loved the visit and kept wanting to give them a hug and kiss.  She kept telling them she loved them.  She didn't remember that I use to be married to Sam and that is a good thing.  LOL  I don't know what she might have said.

We set outside in the back for a while and enjoyed the evening together.  Alice would say how good Irv was and he laughed and said right now, but tonight it will be a different thing.  Many night's she forgets who Irv is and he has to remind her he is her husband.  She asked me when we were leaving to go home because she was getting tired.  So had to explain to her we were home.  Wow Irv goes through this every night.

They went to bed at 7:30 pm so I had the whole evening by myself.  She wakes up about 2 in the morning and Irv has to be up with her and then might go back to sleep around 4:30.  He said he is always tired.  I know why.

Well all in all it was a nice day with Alice.