Month too Month signs of Winter

It is now November 13th 2012 and Alice is getting close to another birthday.  I am not sure how much she remembers anymore.  She didn't remember me when I got to Delmar Gardens today and wanted me to leave.  The nurse said to leave for about 30 minutes are so and then try and go back in to see her. 

She had not gone to sleep, but was just laying in bed.  When I walked in instead of saying hi hon I tried what the nursed do   Hi Miss Alice and she was fine with me being there then.  i think she feels comfortable with the staff and I just felt strange to her when I came in this morning.

When the therapist came to get her to walk before lunch I walked in front of her and the two Ladies and I  talked about Thanksgiving and I  talked about her dressing she used to make that all her kids loved and they would eat it before it got in the oven if she did not watch them.  LOL  She kind of smiled and said Dressing. 

When I think about how Thanksgivings used to be it is so sad.  This picture is from when she had her broken hip, but I have not a  picture lately and she is 10 times worse.  Prayers is the only thing I can turn too and I am thankful for the time we had a lunch today.  I helped her with the food, but she also fed herself.   

My sister is so lucky to have a man like Irv to love her.  I am so luck to have her for my sister.  I thank God for his blessings for us both.

The Sky is Falling

You have heard the story The Sky is Falling I bet?  Well that is the way I have been feeling for about a month now.

Alice had a stroke and the doctor at the hospital said he thought she might be able to get back to her base line of how she was before she had the stroke.  I think he was just trying to soften the answer he gave me and Irv.  It is bad enough to fight your way back from a stroke, but to have Alzheimer's along with it makes it even worse.

Alice now has a feeding tube in her stomach and she wants to sleep all the time.  She can't eat anything like mashed potatoes, pudding or cream of wheat unless someone is with her to make sure she does not choke.  The physical therapy to help her walk is very hard and needs lots of help with that.  She sleeps in her wheel chair and and is so hard to keep her awake. .  Irv thinks if they can get her walking he can take care of her.  He has been doing it all this time, but this is going to be even harder.  Dr Hu has talked to him about putting her in a home, but he does not want to do that.  He loves her so much she is blessed to have Irv. 

Tracy went down to Aunt Alice and took Riley.  Alice touched her face and hand and Tracy said she could tell Alice was liking the baby there.

I went to the show and out to eat with Patti, Pat and Sam last night and Patti thought it would help take my mind off what is going on, but when we went to Steak N Shake it just reminded me that she will not be able to go there again and that is the last place I took her before she got worse.  It is so hard to watch someone you love change before your eyes.

I just talked to Irv and I am going back down to be with her tomorrow so Irv can get a break.  This illness is so hard on the caretakers.

Well will stop for now and continue another day.

Where has Everyone gone?

Alice still has the sweetest smile.  That is when we can get her to smile.  I went out to see her on Friday last week September the 7th 2012 and she didn't talk much unless you ask her questions.  I told my daughters I and they remember when she would call and talk and talk.  She called me every day and sometimes I would think why does she call everyday when there is nothing new to talk about.  Watch what you wish for.  Now I would give anything for the phone to ring and it was the old Alice chatting away.

Caregivers of people with loved ones with Alzheimer's should be given gold stars in Heaven.  I know Irv and David get frustrated and need a break, but they are still there for her.  They told me a few weeks ago she left the house, because she didn't belong there anymore.  They watched as she walked to the street in the subdivision at 10 at night then followed behind her.  David said she walk till 2:30 in the morning.  I don't know how she did it.  I guess our minds can do strange things to our body.  She finely sat on the ground and Dave went up to her and she even recognized him and said she was so tire and wanted to go home.  He had to carry her home.  The police stopped them to find out what was going on.    She didn't remember any of this. 

Two nights ago she was going to leave again ,but the police had told them to put a lock on the bedroom door so she couldn't get out and hurt herself.  They said she yelled and banged on the door two hours before going to sleep.  She kept yelling for help.  It is so hard to hear things like this about my sister.  It makes you wonder what is coming next.

If I talk about mom or dad she will talk a little, but she does not remember anyone from just a week ago.  She sometimes remembers me and other times not.  The same with Irv and Dave , but because they live there they keep reminding her.  It is night that is the worse.  The Sun Downers is bad then.  I have not spent the night in a long time as me being there and not living in the house it throws her off her regular routine of people there at night.

She hears real well and sees great for her age.  The memory is just in the past.  I sure don't want this to take over my life, because I know what it does to the family of loved ones around you.  Of course she does not know what is happening with us so no worry there.

The one thing for sure I know she loves to have people around in the day.  Not so much at night.  She loves to have someone visit her.  Even if she does not remember who you are.  My wish is there were more people to just come and sit with her a few hours.  It sure would help Irv from being in the room with her all the time.  If I had a better car and gas money I could do it, but it is 45 minutes each way.

Well I will be going back out sometime next week.  Anyone that gets the urge to visit with me or alone I will take it.

You know this helps so much to just write down my feelings so hope it is not a bore for anyone else.

Time stands still , but the days keep going.

After visiting Friday I thought I should sit down and just jot down some of my thoughts.  I don't think Alice knew me when I came in the front room from the kitchen.  She seemed happy I was visiting , but seemed to be off in a distance.

She was confused much of the time while I was there and kept asking me when she needed to leave.  I told her this was her home and she would be spending the night here in her own bedroom. 

Alice if having a hard to eating anything that takes a lot of chewing.  She had eaten a half of a hamburger sandwich when I told her to spit it out and start over as it had to be all dried out.
She is like a little Chipmonk.  She is looking so frail.  She does like ice cream and sweets and soda.  Irv is still getting her to drink Ensure.  She is down to about 143 now.

Wish I could loose weight , but not like her.  She is always forgetting her cane in the bathroom or kitchen. 

She fell last week and broke her dentures.  Thank God she did not break any bones.  She didn't remember doing that either.

It sure makes me sad to watch her going down hill, but there is nothing we can do about it.  She does not talk much anymore when I go out to visit her.  So sad as she was such a talker.  LOL.

Always New in Alice's eyes.

Sitting here looking at this picture makes me smile.  There is my beautiful sister her little son Joey and me the baby sister.  I was always following Alice around and staying over at her house.  Those were many many years ago.

This past Sunday I went out to Alice's to take her out for lunch and spend the day with her.  She was very happy to see me even though I had talked to her on the phone on the way out to see her.  She had forgotten I was coming.  We went to Steak N Shake and she thought it was a really nice place and said she had never been there before.  LOL of course she had and it was one of her favorite places to go.

She kept saying how nice it is to get out, and she says she never goes anywhere.  Wrong again.  Irv took her to church that morning and they went to Jack in the Box for breakfast.  I don't know where it came from , but she asked me if I thought Mom would be happy we were out together.  Then she looked up to the ceiling and said (Mom do you see me and Jessie here.  Does this make you happy?) I just smiled and man behind her smiled too.

First she wanted a strawberry shake, then when she saw my cherry coke she asked if she could have one of those too.  Said she had never had one.  We left and went to the store for a little while and then home.

She got upset because Irv bought a cat tower for Miss Kitty to scratch on.  She didn't want it in the floor, but pushed against the wall.  Every time Irv sat it out she would go behind him and move it.  She is very dedicated to what she wants and the way she wants it.  That is the Alice I know.

I stayed for dinner then came home.  It seems easier to do it like that for now.  If I wake up and come out and she is in the front room she get a worried look on her face like who am I and what am I doing in her house.  Well guess I will stop now and wait for my next trip out. 

Mother's Day 2012

I decided to spend the day with Alice on Mother's Day even though she did not remember it was a special day.  I stopped on the way out to pick up a Cherry Cheese Cake that she likes and a card.  I felt at least if she forgets she can look at the card and remember for a while.  I called when I was almost there to let her know I would be there. 

I drove up and went inside.  She seemed surprised that I was there , but was glad I came.  LOL  I gave her The candy and card and she was all smiles, but seemed sad that she didn't have me anything.  I kept telling her no big deal.  I just wanted to surprise her.

Got a call from Pat saying her and Sam and Patti were stopping by for a short visit.  I was so happy they came.  She gets no visitors except me and that has got to be pretty boring.  She didn't remember them and wanted to show them the whole house all over again.  They brought her a box of candy and guess what yep she was happy.  I wish she had friends, but she has been out of work and never seemed to keep up with anyone and when you are older and don't keep up with other's you get forgotten.  She loved the visit and kept wanting to give them a hug and kiss.  She kept telling them she loved them.  She didn't remember that I use to be married to Sam and that is a good thing.  LOL  I don't know what she might have said.

We set outside in the back for a while and enjoyed the evening together.  Alice would say how good Irv was and he laughed and said right now, but tonight it will be a different thing.  Many night's she forgets who Irv is and he has to remind her he is her husband.  She asked me when we were leaving to go home because she was getting tired.  So had to explain to her we were home.  Wow Irv goes through this every night.

They went to bed at 7:30 pm so I had the whole evening by myself.  She wakes up about 2 in the morning and Irv has to be up with her and then might go back to sleep around 4:30.  He said he is always tired.  I know why.

Well all in all it was a nice day with Alice. 

Trying to Remember???

Was able to go and visit with Alice yesterday.  It has been about a month since i got to stay out with her.  After I had finished my stress test i was able to go out.  She was happy to see me, but don't think the me that she remembered.  I was just a nice lady that came out.

It is so very hard to have her sitting there smiling at me and then ask now what is your name.  I tell her Jessica and she says that's a pretty name and I so glad you came out to visit.  I never fail to try and take
her some kind off candy when I go out.  I fixed her some strawberries and chocolate pudding and she thought that was pretty good last night.  This morning i fixed strawberries and banana's.  We had toast and a nice breakfast together.

She has had a bad cold the last couple of weeks, but seemed more tired when I  saw her than the last time.  She can get angry very fast if the wrong thing is said that she does not like.  Most of the time she can walk into the other room for a while and she forgets what was wrong when she comes back out.

She is getting smaller and smaller each time I see her.  Is that what happens with someone with Alzheimer's? 

I hope when I go out next I am feeling better I had fallen and was sore so we couldn't go anywhere.  It was raining all weekend and we need a nice day so we can get out together.  She really likes to do that.  I would bring her down here for the day to visit my family, but it is such a long drive.

Can you tell me how she can count back from 20 to 1 and not miss a number.  Irv and Dave have her do this everyday.  She knows her name and her address, but forgets Irv is her husband and Dave is her son.  I just don't understand this disease.

What is coming next??????

The Lady in Red.  We went to the doctor today for her yearly visit.  Alice wore all red.  Red top, Red pants, Red hat, Red purse and Red shoes.  LOL  Her Dr. Pang asked if she liked red.  LOL  Alice said red is her favorite, but she does where other colors sometimes.  She then lifted up her shirt to show her she had a white bra on.  That was not expected.  But really not shocked either.  Dr Pang just said that is nice you don't have a red bra?  You will need to get one.

She asked her many questions she could not answer and asked us if there has been a difference.  Irv and I both said yes.  After Alice answered Dr Pang would look at us to see if what she said was right.  She is such a sweet doctor and very compassionate.

I asked a few questions about what has been happening about the evening's and she said that was normal.  Brought more literature home to read on helping to understand what is going on with Alice.  Tried to explain to Irv to take time for himself when I come out to help.  He needs a break as much as Alice needs to be taken care of.  I am going to try and talk him into it next time I am out.

I asked on the scale they use where was she at.  She said because of the hip fracture and being in the other facilities took a toll on her and made her numbers drop.  She will take a long time sometimes to level off, but will never be back to where she was as her self.

There is so much and so many levels they go through, but she is moderately  severe.   I wish David had went with us to ask some of the questions he wanted answered, but I am afraid he wouldn't get the answers he wants.  There is just no time frame for each patient. 

Irv took us out to lunch to their favorite restaurant and she seemed pleased I think.  We stopped at the grocery store then came home.  She was tired, but just could not stop picking up little pieces of lint on the floor.  She has eyes like a Hawk.  There is nothing wrong with her sight or her hearing.

After dinner she started getting the change in her memories and actions due to the Sun downers syndrome.  By 7 pm she started asking when was I going home and why did I come out here.  She talked to Tracy my daughter and told her a young lady was here at the house.  (Thank you Alice)  Tracy asked if she could talk to me and I asked who it was and she said Tracy was her daughter.  Evenings are bad, but Dr Pang said just  another normal reaction.  We should not try and change her mind are tell her she is wrong because that just upsets her more.  We just go with the flow.

She wanted to know when I was leaving I said tomorrow morning.  She asked what time.  I said I could have gone tonight ,but it is to late and I don't like to drive in the dark.. She had the perfect answer though "you need to leave earlier next time then"  you never talk to me when your here anyway.    Irv walked into the room and said Alice that is your sister.  Alice just looked at him and shrugged her shoulder's and said why didn't she tell me then?  She wanted to know if I  was living with my mom and dad? 

When she went to bed I did too.  At least till I knew she was asleep.    So what is next who knows.  Not even the doctor's can give the family member  when their loved one will go into the severe stage.  We just keep loving them and praying for them and put them into God's hands.

Alice and Corey, Jenifer and Easton a visit.

I came home from Alice's and this visit was nice.  The kid's and Daniela came out to visit.  We sat up in the front and had donuts and hot cocoa.  Alice enjoyed the visit with all of us and really liked holding Easton. 

By the time they left she was getting pretty tired and you knew she wanted to go back to her room to rest.  Of course she then decided she wanted to go home and I had to call Irv and he told her he would be up tomorrow for breakfast with her.  She calmed down a little, but I left about 7 pm and the nursed called Irv that she was very upset.  Didn't realize where she was and needed Irv.  It seems to get harder and harder for her, but we hope when she gets to come home she will be more calm. 

This was a back date, but I just wanted to remember some of the things that have been going on.

Memories can be so good when you can remember

Do you ever have a thought or a memory and it can make you feel good or maybe even bad, but you remember it to share with someone.  My Sis may suddenly remember something, but with in 5 or 10 minutes it is gone.  It is so good to see her mind working and bringing back things even though she does not remember thing you talk about 5 minutes ago. 

Today was very good.  She went to the store with Irv and that always makes her happy.  When she got home we watch some TV and I helped her fold some clothes.  Then oh no she cleaned the kitty litter again and brought it in to me to see what she was doing.  Irv heard me telling her not to pick it up with her hands of course he was upset and got that taken care of and she washed her hands.  I tried to tell her that this was not a woman's job , but Irv's job.  She is wise at times she said what if there is no man.  I said then the woman has to do it.  Not a good answer for her.  I then said she was hurting Irv's feelings by not letting him do the cleaning.  Irv looked at me and grinned and said right Alice it makes him feel really bad.  Let's see what happens tomorrow. 

She took a nap this afternoon and she seemed to have a better evening.  She even stayed up till 7:45 which is late for her. 
We were watching the Dog Whisper show and that kept her attention.

I stopped and got her Valentine's candy Friday and that was just what she needed.  LOL  I wish a box of chocolate would make me feel the way it does her.

She has told me yesterday and today she didn't want me to go home and i feel bad when she says that.  I do have to go home tomorrow so not much I can do about it.  I know once  I leave she will soon forget.

Memories can be so good when you can remember

Today when I came in to the house I had a feeling Alice did not seem to remember me.  I didn't make it out last week and that makes it hard on her. 

We sat in the kitchen and ate lunch together then David came upstairs with a CD that he made for her with Elvis Presley songs.  She loved it and was even grooving to them.  LOL  She got up and was doing her little dance behind Irv.  Way to funny.  And a little embarrassing for me.  Oh well she was remembering the good old days when she was dating Irv I guess.

Later I was in the front room and she came in with a bag and wanted me to see what was in it.  She said she had to clean up after the pets .  She said Irv gave her that job.  Well she had been cleaning the kitty litter (with her bare hands)  Oh yuck.  I told her she should not do that and Irv heard me talking and came out and said Alice I clean that every evening.  She said ok and she went to wash her hands.  Twice.    This is something that she would never have done in all her life.  Nothing seems to bother her anymore.

At dinner she asked me who I was and I told her I was her sister and she just said oh.
While we were in the front room watching TV she asked again who I was.  She asked who the man was in the other room was.  Irv.  She wanted to know if he was my son.  Nope I said your husband.  She said or you sure? 

When Irv came out to the room she asked him if he was spending the night.  He said yes  for the last 30 years.  She laughed and said she didn't remember that.  Then she asked him if she was suppose to stay here tonight or what.  We both said yes it is you house too.

Irv did tell me tonight that she thought he was her dad the other night.  This must be really tough on him because I know how tough it is on me.  She was so tired she was going to stop working.  She the people really liked her at work because she made them feel good.  She sure did.  Everyone loved her at work and the patients always felt comfortable when she came to pick them up for surgery.

I watch her and pray for her and the family to make this as easy as it can be, but we have to just watch things get further away from Alice and not have any answers.  All things are in God's hands and we can only follow our hearts and his words.

Our Phone Chat sort of????

Called to talk with Alice since I didn't get to go out last week.  She was real sweet on the phone and seemed happy to be talking with me.  She talked about the weather and my weather.  Said it looked dark outside even though it was day time.  She does not care for evenings.

This picture is the last picture of Alice visiting me at my apartment last year.  Then everything started to happen and she fell and broke her hip and she took a turn for the worse with her memory.  The accident, the hospital, the rehab center then an infection in her hip and back at the hospital.  When she left the next time she went to Delmar Garden's in O'Fallon , Mo.  She did better hip wise there, but was getting harder for her to remember things and stay in the day.  When she finely got to come home you see a big difference. 

I ask her about the pet's Mandy, Molly and Miss Kitty and she said they were fine.  Except Miss Kitty was trying to play with her pants leg and she was going to damage it because of her nails.  I told her she didn't have any claws and she oh good I am glad you told me.

She said she just finished eating and I ask her what she had.  Even though she had just eaten she had to ask Irv what they had.  She then ask me again how was I doing?  That went on for about 4 more times.
I am going out Friday and she called Irv in the other room to see if that was ok.  It was.  lol

I need to get to the store before I go out to pick up some kind of chocolates for her.  You see I know what makes her happy.  It is kind of like going to see my grand kids and taking them something I know they like.

Well the chat was not for long, because she never talks long anymore.  I will write more later after being with my Sis.

Sunday and I am home with my family.

Hi I am Molly.  I am the newest member of Alice and Irv's home.   I look just like my masters dog when he was 13 years old.   His name was Ricky.  He really likes me and I get along with Miss Alice too.  I even get along with that silly black Miss Kitty.  The other little dog that lives here is old and almost blind. Her name is Mandy.  If anything happens to Mandy I will try and make Irv feel better .

Miss Alice is Irv's wife.  She is nice to me, but does some strange things at times.  She does not remember my name either.  I just go up and look at her and she pets me.  I don't care if she calls me by any name.   She called me Sarah today.   A good belly scratch is all I need.    Miss Alice felt bad when her sister left today.  She wanted her to stay longer.  Me to she plays with me and my rope.  She is not very strong like Irv or David, but  she pets good. 

Miss Alice is checking out the bedroom where  Miss Jessie sleeps in when she is here.  Oh my I think  Irv will have to check on what she is going to move or throw away.

Well just wanted you to know that I was very happy to be adopted by my master and his family.  I am going to have to learn to stop jumping up on people though.  And they have something against me barking at the kids in the back.  Humans are really kind of silly about things like that.  He has this collar he puts on my neck when I go out and I think he thinks I will remember not to bark at people.  How am I suppose to be a watch dog with that thing on? 

I do have one small problem my master Irv does not want Miss Alice to slip me bits of food and I know if I stay around her long enough she will forget and give me a treat.  She loves me.  I promise not to tell if she keeps it up once in a while.

Well that is all I have got to say.  Just stay happy and love your humans and they will love us.   Molly.

Who am I?

Do you ever wonder who you are?  Sometimes I do when I am going through something and I don't have an answer.  That is how I feel a lot of the times when I am with Alice.  I don't have the right words at times to put her mind at ease.  The good thing right now is it dose not take a lot to calm or change the subject to get things back on track.

She got mad and was going to leave Irv because he wouldn't let her clean the messy house. It's not messy. Maybe not perfect, but mine could be much better. I went into the bedroom and talked to her. I told her men are just not like us women always wanting things done now not later. They are happy with the bed unmade and not picking up every little piece of dust on the rug and we can't change them. She said I was right, but our mom taught us how to clean so it's her fault. She calmed down and came out and was all happy again.

I asked Irv what happened and she got mad at him when he told her she couldn't put the feather duster in the dish washer.   She does like to fill the dish washer and run it every day or more.

She got real excited when I asked her if she wanted to go with me to the store and out to lunch with just us girls. She was happy and even though it was not pretty outside she said it was fun to be with me her sister. She knew me then

We just went to Deals since it was smaller than going to WalMart and I could tell she was getting tired even though we had not been there that long. She loves loves Coke. When she saw the Coke glasses she wanted us to have one to drink our coke out of together. She wanted some Ginger Snaps and I thought this is like taking one of my little grand kids out shopping. $3.00 bucks is not bad for a shopping trip. lol

We went to Chic-fil-A and it had just opened and was so busy.  She loved it though because it gives her a chance to make new friends.  She does that where ever she goes.  She loved the chicken and I was not sure if she would, because she only eats hamburgers where ever she goes.  She made friends with the young men that came around to see if we needed anything.  I guess after about 4 times they new her name and mine .  When ever they walked by the said Hi Alice.  She said it was so nice they knew her name.  I asked one of the young men if he could bring her a cow like they give to the kids and he said no problem.  She was so happy she wanted to hug him and did.  He was a little surprised and just smiled and said thank you.  She wanted to share her fry's with him , but I had to tell her he could get fired if he ate her food.

When we got home she was wore out, but wouldn't take a nap. I had a feeling that the evening would be rough . Being so tired does not help a person with Alzheimer's in the evening.

My daughter Tracy called out to ask me something and Alice got the phone first. As always. She likes to talk , but not for long. Tracy asked her what she was doing and Alice told her she was visiting with a lady. Tracy asked if it was Jessica and she looked at me and said are you Jessica. I shook my head yes and Alice said you know Jessica? Do you want to talk to her? When I got off the phone I said Tracy is really nice. She said you like my daughter. Oh well to hard to explain I just said yes.

She asked my name later again and I told her Jessica and she said she was Alice Alice in Wonderland. Not really her name, but she just wonders all the time. I told her our mom use to call me Messy Jessie and she thought that was funny.

By 6:30 she wanted to go to bed, but does not like to go to bed with out Irv going in also. So I had the house to myself, Molly,Miss Kitty and Mandy. Oh Dave was there , but downstairs. They are early to bed and early to rise. Isn't that suppose to make you Healthy, Wealthy and Wise?  





Living Day to Day and Smile.

I came out to Alice's this afternoon after Bible Study.  She was in a very good mood.  We ate lunch and I played with their new dogie.  Her name is Molly and real cute.  she is about two years old.  I will get a picture tomorrow.  I think Alice enjoys her since Molly is always wanting to be petted.

My Sis loves to vacuum and she did it for at least an hour over and over, but not with the old vacuum, but a new light weight sweeper Irv got her.  lol The best gift he could have given her.

Alice kept asking when she should start dinner.  Irv said he had a roast on the grill and not to worry.  She finely peeled potatoes and I made a salad.  Boy she sure takes a lot of time to make them perfect. 

Dinner went well and then when she finely came into the front room she seemed to remember me, but it was getting dark early due to the rain and the changes set in. 

She forgot she was married and wanted to know where were all the people that was here, but were gone.  I am not sure what she was remembering, but it was just Irv, David and me here.  She seemed lost in her own house. 

No one can imagine how hard it is to watch your loved one change right before your eyes in a matter of hours.  Even minutes.

She started talking about being in the hospital, but not this last time with her hip, but when she was in her late 20's and was going through a very depressing time in her life.  Her memories had gone back many years. 

I went into the bedroom I sleep in to change into my robe and I guess I was not fast enough, because she got worried and told Irv that lady went in the room and didn't come out.  When I came out she was in the hall in body, but not in mind.

I could tell Alice was trying to figure out I was doing here.  I asked if she was confused ?  By then she was not sure that Irv was her husband.  She asked if I was his wife.  I told her I was her sister and Irv was her husband.  She said no I don't think so and went back in the room and asked him again.

He  had told her many times in the evening he was her husband and this last time he told her no .  that really upset her and she told me he was made at her.  I told her he was joking and she calmed down.

I could tell she was really tired and I asked if she wanted to go to the bed and she said she would, but didn't know what she could wear.  I asked if I could help her since I have stayed and knew where she had put her gowns and PJ's. At least I thought I could find her gowns.  She moves them all the time.

Got her ready for bed and she hugged and kissed me for helping her.  It just makes me want to cry .  It is so not fair.
Then again she said she was so glad we finely got to meet each other.  Me too.  She was glad God gave us the same mother.

Well tomorrow is another day.  I thought if the rain is not bad I will take her out to the store and then to lunch.  She really seems to like to do things with me like this.  I call it the Girl's Afternoon Out!  Good for Alice and good for Irv.

My eyes are getting heavy and I think I will get off the computer and go to bed.  For some reason I don't know why , but I get sleepier earlier when I am out here.

Change that are made.

I spoke with Alice last night on the phone.  You know she always sounds so happy on the phone.  Well Irv told me he had carried the laundry into the bed room and she was putting things away.  lol Of course you never know where it might show up in the next day or two.

She sat down to talk to me and said she had a question that I might be able to help her with.  She had taken the buttons of her blouse and she didn't know how to get the spots off the front where they were.

That just happens to be the sweat shirt I decorated for her a few years ago.  It is in the picture she has on now for this photo.  I explained that she won't be able to get it off.  I had hot glued the dollies on the front then sowed the buttons on.  I asked her why she took them off and she said that she just wanted to try something new.  Not sure what she will do with it next. 

While I had called out I talked to Irv to see if he would look around for Tracy cooking magazine I brought out since I forgot to put it the bedroom I sleep in.  He said nope it is gone.  He laughed and said you know we go through this everyday.  You can't leave anything out as Alice either hides it or throws it away.

He said the day was going well so far and she had been calm.  Calm for her now is picking up lint, wiping the counters, cutting up trash .  She loves to cut any kind of box or paper into small pieces.  As for bread that is left on the counter she gets her handy dandy little scissors out and cut the end of the wrapper off just as close as she can so nothing is hanging out.  You can't hold up the bread to untwist the tie because it is so short. 

Before Alzheimer's she had always been neat and tidy with everything in it's place.  Now even more.  I brought her some candy when Iwent out Sunday and she moved the candy jar all around till she found the perfect spot and then checked with me to see if i thought it looked ok where she put it.  She always ask I think because she wants confirmation that she did it ok.

Well enough for this day.  I am sure there will be more to come.

Happy Days Beautiful Smile

Yesterday was a great day.  Alice came out with a smile on her face and was getting ready to go have her blood drawn.  Irv was taking her then going to stop by the store.  I asked him to pick me up something if he went to the grocery store.  No problem he said.  LOL  That's what you would think.

Well I didn't know it would cause a problem at the store with Alice.   He had gotten her a cart so she could ride and he said she seemed fine until he told her he needed to pick up something for me.  She said  "So now you are shopping for her"  he said Alice that is your sister, but it had already flipped her mood.  She got upset and got out of the cart and left it in line.  She went over to the greeter and stayed there.  Irv had to ride it and he said I don't need it.  He tried to get her to ride it out to the car with him and being the stubborn gal she has always been refused.  He said I am not going to take her again.  Of course he will.

That is how fast she changes and you never know what will make her act like a different person.  When she got back she had forgotten she was upset  and was fine when she came in the front room.

We can not keep her from bending over to pick up stuff on the floor .  We keep reminding her that she is not suppose to do that because she could lose her balance and fall.  She did not remember and Irv was in one chair and Dave was standing by the door and Alice saw a small piece of something (honey her eyes are perfect)  none of us see what she sees.  Well the point is she lost her balance and if David had not been standing near her and grabbed her shoulder she would have hit the coffee table and been on the floor.  She says Irv is always mad at her and just does not want her to do anything.  We talked with her and tried to explain we love her and just don't want her to fall.  She said I am glad to are telling me this now I will remember.  Let's see how many times have we gone through the same talk?  ummm maybe 100 times. 

Irv also has notes on the wall in the kitchen not to feed Mandy food as she has diabetes.  Again she says each time we catch her " I didn't know a dog could get a human disease".

If you are the type of person that hates to keep answering the same question over and over again living with an Alzheimer patient takes a lot of patience.  Remember when your kids were little and would ask questions over and over.  You got it.  This is the same thing.  Sooner are later your kids finely get it, but that will not happen with your loved living with Alzheimer's.

By the time I was getting ready to  leave Alice had already changed back in to the sweet loving person I always remembered.

You know none of us is perfect and we have said or done things that we might wish we could take back , but you can't do that.  You just have to try not do it again.  At least with Alice she does not remember those things.  I have seen her anger  times and I just pray that as the days go by they don't take over her daily life more than it does now.  I and the family go out of our way to make her have pleasant surroundings around her.  David has talked to me few times after Alice said things to me "Jessie you just have to have tough skin and let things roll off like a ducks back".  OK Quack  Quack!  lol

Well another day to come.

I never ever had that before.

Today was a good day to come visit Alice.  She had went to church then to the store with Irv.  I ask how church and she said good I think then asked Irv was church good?

This is a picture of Alice's daughter Julie taken when she was at home.  Now she is the mother of two.  I think her and her daughter gets their beauty from their mom.

I called to ask Tracy something and she said who was I talking to and I said my daughter.  She said we should meet.  I told her she had 4 kids and one on the way.  She went oh wow.  I would like to meet them.   Could I request them to come out and visit.  I told her I could, but I thought they were busy today.  I went ahead and called and left a message.  Tracy called back and spoke a little while then ask Tracy if she wanted to talk to the lady that was  here.  When we got off the phone she told Irv that Tracy was going to call to get an appointment to come out.  Irv laughed and asked are we taking appointments now? 

To funny Alice said she didn't have any underwear , but Irv said they washed and they were in her drawer. When he went to help her find some she had a pair of his briefs on.  She couldn't understand why they were so tight.

I brought a Tippon's Lemon Pie for Irv's birthday and made potato salad and baked beans.  Irv made the chicken.  It was a little tuff making the salad.  Alice kept going in and turning down the water.  When we sat down to eat she said she had never ever ate that kind of potato's.  Never had lemon pie it was good though.  Wow there are a few things I would like to forget, but not this way.  David peeled the potato's and eggs for the salad and said he had done that many times for his mom.  I thought it would bring back memories with Alice, but did not.

She was mixed up tonight and thought she needed to go back to her place for the night.  And wondered where the other lady was.  I told her again she would be staying here in her own home.  Irv came out of the bedroom and she asked him where he would be staying.  Here in our home he said.

You sometimes wonder how long you can put a smile on your face and tell her the same thing over and over again.  If you don't smile when talking to her she starts to get upset.  She really watches your facial expressions.

This evening she wanted Irv to take her down to our old neighborhood.  That is where she thinks I am living.

We were watching Grease this afternoon and she was moving her arms and hands and singing some of the words and making other's up.  She said music makes her happy.

She has to go tomorrow to have blood drawn and then will be back home.  I can only stay till the afternoon so we will see if she remembers who I am when she gets back home.

Just another day with my Sis, but am glad I am able to come out as often as I do.  Thank you Father for allowing me to be apart of Alice's life.

It is suppose to be raining tomorrow, so if it is not sunny I don't know how she will be.

Alice is in there I know it.

Wow I look at this picture of Alice and I didn't even remember how beautiful she was those many years ago.  Let's see Alice got married and had her first son Joe by the time she was 15.  That is unbelievable to be so young and a mommy.

Alice has been through so much in her life and to have her end up like this is sad and there is no way to reverse it.  You can't talk to anyone that either has someone in their family or know of someone that has it today. 

When I got up this morning and came out to the kitchen she was in some type of mood and I knew Irv was going to have a rough morning.She was angry at Irv and said she was just going to leave.  I told her it was to cold to go anywhere and she said I will where my coat.  I then tried to change the subject to more pleasant things and by the time breakfast was over she seem some better.  I think with the weather change because of the time change and the rain last night it didn't seem like morning.

By the time I was ready to leave she wanted me to stay.  She said she would really miss me.  Irv told me when she was angry at him that happens lots.  You just have to walk away.  Poor Irv he just can't walk away anytime .  I keep trying to get him to do something away from the house when I am there, but he says he is ok.  I worry about him.

I was with my grand children this evening and Jenna said it seems like Aunt Alice has a new day everyday and is someone different.  Kinda like that.  I will give her a call tomorrow and hope she is having a good day.

Question fo the Day. Where is It?

Aw this is my sister when she about 3 years old.  How very sweet she was from what I hear.  Today she is 74 and has the same smile.

Today started out great.  We went to Walmart to see if we could find the pillow to match the other one I got her.  Irv went one way and Alice and I the other way.  We found the pillow.  Yeah !!!!   Irv was on a mission to find a bone in ham and I just wanted to come on home.  Of course Alice likes to be with Irv and she went with him.  I am not sure what changed, but while she was out she forgot me.  She came in .  I said hi she said hi then asked who I was.  I told her I was Jessie and she said was I a family member.  I told her I was her sister and she said she was so glad we got to meet. 
Where had I been for so long.  I just said I had been around.  She said I was a nice lady and she was so glad we finally got to meet.  She was glad God made us sister's.  Irv came in from outside and she said Irv this is my sister.  Dumb look on his face lol and he smiled and said that is great.  She said she didn't know how I found her, but was so glad I did. 

So sad that the sister I grew up  does not remember it all the time.  Well not sad for her she is happy ,but sad for me.

Let's see I titled this Where is it?  How many times a day can you hear that question in a house where things keep getting hidden or just put up and can't find it again.  Alice lost her glasses, Irv lost his cake pan, she lost her candy, lost her PJ's, lost the pillows off the couch ......
Ok see what I mean.  When you live here you do a lot of hunting.  She will spend an hour cutting up a box before she will put it in the trash.  And that is a cereal box.  No matter how many times Irv says not to cut them up she sneaks in and cuts them up.  lol 

She was so glad they were able to live here in this house and glad that they started letting people move in.  This has been her home for 10 years.  Three times she put her hands to gether looked up to the sky and Thanked God for Irv that he was so good to her.  She saw David working on his car and did the same thing and asked God to help David get his car fixed.  Then she thanked God for our mom for having me.  She loves God and has not forgotten the most important person in her life.

Most of the time with just a little help she can remember her home address and phone number.  When I asked a nurse how she does that she said because it is in her mind since 10 years ago. 

It was cute tonight when David was going downstairs she was going into the other room and went to Dave and wanted a kiss.  She said your mommy needs a kiss.  I think Dave was a little embarrassed, but gave her a kiss.
She is so loving and wants to kiss all the time.  You know she is so thankful for any show of love.  I can just get her a soda and she keeps saying I am so nice.  She couldn't stop thanking me for cleaning her bathroom sink.  Irv had told her to go and sit down and leave it alone.  I told her I would go clean it for her.  When I came out I winked at Irv and said Alice and I had a secret.  I am so proud of Irv and David for doing all they do for her.  I appreciate Irv and Dave more than I can say. 

I guess I will sign off tonight and pray for a peaceful day tomorrow.

Lost in Wonderland

The night has ended for Alice.  We had a good day together.  She was so happy to get the new beaded eye glass holder that goes around her neck.  She kept saying how beautiful it was.  I told her that Pat made it  for her and she said she was going to have to thank her.  I called Pat so Alice could talk to her.  She kept telling her she loved it.  Not knowing who Pat was , but was thrilled.  She wanted her to come out with her husband and visit.  Pat told she had other plans and she would come out another day.  She kept think all day we were going to have company.

It does not take much to make her happy.  Her neighbor and my friend sent her a Christmas card with her three dogs on the front now Alice keeps it on her table in front of her plate so she can look at it all the time.  She is a dog lover for sure.  I let her talk to Linda as she wanted to thank her for thinking of her.  lol She tried to get her to come over too.

After dinner she started getting confused.  This happens in the evening most nights.  She keeps thinking she is working and she in not sure when she can get there.  I kept telling that she was retired now and can stay home.  It just did not sink in.  She thinks she needed to go somewhere else to sleep.  It is hard for her to understand she can stay here because it is her home.

I bought a Red pillow for the chair in her front room so I could put it behind my back.  She picked it out and I tought she would leave it alone and not hide it on me since she chose it,  but know way.  If I leave for more than 10 minutes she gets up and hides it.

I found it and put it on the couch so when I tried the pillow Irv bought because he couldn't find the one I brought out .  Wanted to see which felt better.  Today her mood changed and she loved the pillow and wanted another to match it.  I told her that we could go and look for a match tomorrow, but she wanted to do it today.   I told her I didn't have the money tonight and she said why not.  Duh what do you say.  She said she was going to check her purse.  Well she has  not had money in there for a long time.  Irv asked where she was and I said looking for money. He told her they don't use money.  They use a credit card.  A funny look again.  He said he would taker her tomorrow.  It is like a child that wants a toy.

Just before Irv came out of his office she said she needed to call her husband and find out when he was coming home.  She wanted to know where she would sleep.  I told with Irv her husband in their bedroom.  She wanted to know where that was.  Then she wanted to know if there was a bed big enough for two people.  Yep it is big enough for both of you.

She follows around after Irv  like she does not want to lose him.  When Irv had some surgery a  month ago I was really worried if he would have had to spend the night.  I was not sure what she would do.  Thankfully he did not have to stay.

I still don't understand what the Sun downers syndrome is.  It sure can change the moods of an Alzheimer's patient.  And it happens when the sun goes down.  Winter is not good.  It gets dark way to soon.   Just another thing to add to what else they have to go through.

I am thankful for our time together today and hope for a good day tomorrow.  AND Please have another  Red Pillow to match the one she wants.

PS:  Pat if you read this she does love the beaded chain you made, but she wants to take it off with her glasses and tries to hide it so no one can take it, but forgets where she puts it......She still has it and I know where she put it tonight.   lol.  It starts all over tomorrow.  Nite Nite.

A Happy Cook

I think Irv is in his happy place.  He sure comes up with new and different things to share with the family.  Alice in joys all that Irv makes most of the time.  Not sure what he is working on today.

Called Alice to see how she was I have a feeling from our conversation she was not sure who I was.  She was watching TV and talking with Irv and David.  She said no one was doing anything around there.

She told me she had pulled the blinds up in the front room because the dog is messing with the blinds.  She said it was the dog.  She couldn't remember it's name.  Mandy the little min pin could not reach the window.  She is old and sleeps most of the time and almost blind.  The cat Miss Kitty may have been trying to see out the window.  She didn't remember either of their names, but said it was the dog that was messing with the blinds.  She said pets are just like kids. 

Don't think there will be anymore snow tomorrow so I am going to go out after church and spend a few nights.  I am sure I will have some interesting things to share when I come back.

Hope my visit turns out to be good for all of us and I don't end up in Time Out.  I usually have to take a time out and leave the room so she can calm down as she gets upset sometimes when she does not get the answer she wants.  The good thing is it passes pretty fast because she forgets why she is upset.  Sometimes I would like to do that.

Here's to a great visit.

January 13, 2012 and it is still snowing,but not like in some places.

Surprise I got a call from Alice.  I heard Irv in the back grown so I think it may have been at his suggestion.  When I talked with her yesterday I told her if the weather was better I would be out after Bible Study. 

She always gets to the point right away.  No more Hi, how are you doing, what's going on .  She said I know you wanted to come out , but the weather is not good for you to get out.  You know if you didn't know she had Alzheimer's she would sound like herself worrying about others.  I have to thank Irv and David her son for helping her call.  David ask me if it bothered me her calling and I told him no.  Please help or remind her to call.  Brings back memories of long talks like before.

This picture is of me , Alice and my great grand son Easton.  She looks so good it makes my heart hurt to know there will be a time she will not be like this.  This is how I want to remember her smile.

This picture reminded me what she told me that day.  It is one of those funny moments.

I was talking to my daughter and she asked to talk to Aunt Alice.  Alice asked her what she was doing.  Tracy told her she was playing paper dolls and before she could tell that she was playing with her daughter she replied.  Thinking she was younger and not a mom she told how much fun that is.  She wanted to know what she was doing later.  Tracy told her she was having a friend over.  The next thing she said was is it a boy or a girl.  Tracy said a girl and Alice said " oh good your mom will be glad to hear that."   She then gave the phone back to me and when we got off the phone is when it got really funny.

We were sitting where others could hear us so I was trying to have her talk softly, but not a chance.  She said I would be glad Tracy was not having a boy over and was I glad.  I smiled and said you bet.  lol  She then said You know Boy's can be trouble because they have P---s and he could make a baby and it can be fun, but No. No. No.   I went and got her an ice cream cone and changed the subject. 

We don't always know what she is going to come up with or ask so we just try and guide some of what she is talking about to lighter things.  LoL  Chocolate will always do that.

Well just a new day in our lives .

A New Day Chatting on the phone.

Let's see today is Jan. 12th and I had thought about going out to be with Alice,but we got this beautiful snow.  Love the snow when it is not on the street or walkways.  LOL  Does not work like that.

This picture is a little old.  It was back in the summer when she broke her hip.  She sure Love's her man.  She even acts like they did when they were dating.  Well sometimes I have to  remind her that it is her husband.  Now that brings a smile to her face..
LOL (Now this is not PG)  When I told her he was her husband she got this little grin on her face and said "You mean I get to sleep with him"  OH Good.  Oh my we never know what she is going to say or remember.  You got to love her.

I had to settle for a phone chat with Alice.  She is always so sweet I can feel her smiling.  She loves to talk to you on the phone she just does not hold a long conversations anymore.  They are pretty short, but since you get the same questions I guess that is ok.  When she was her old self she could call and talk for an hour.  I sure miss that even though sometimes I was tired.  Now to late I wish she could do that again.  You know we never know what we miss till we don't have it anymore.

I said something about Tracy my daughter and she said she might call her sometime.  I don't think she will because she will forget once we are off the phone.  She did write her phone number down thouh.


She wanted to know if it was snowing down here and was excited it was .  She wanted me to come out, but didn't want me to get out in the snow.   She said she was busy around the house (not), but that is what she did all her life.  Busy, busy and busier.  She was glad Irv was home because of the snow.  He works all the time, but was off today.  Irv has been retired for 5 years now.  I think his job now is to hold things together at home and do what he loves most.  COOK.  He is one in a million and Alice even enjoys his cooking now.  No more complaining.  What a breath of fresh air.  Some good things come out of things that are so bad.

God is by our sides and when I see peace in Alice's eyes I am happy.

Jan. 2012

I should have started this last year,but like everything in my life right now I am always trying to catch up.  This is going to be about the love I have for my dear sweet Sister Alice.  The Alice in Wonderland is what she would always call herself when she would talk to my grand kids and even others.  So how appropriate is the name Alice in Wonderland.

Alice was diagnosed with Alzheimer's in 2009.  I knew there was problems before, but just thought she was getting more and more forgetful due to age.  I mean I forget and always have.  I kept noticing and so did my children Tracy and Daniela because they would call me and say they talked to Aunt Alice and she sure keeps repeating herself.

No one wants to believe that one of their loved ones has this awful life changing disease.  Her husband and son had an even harder time seeing this and wanted to believe it was just forgetfulness and if she worked hard at trying to remember she would be able to do that.  If we had known about it much earlier doing things to help the memory may have been more helpful in slowing it down, but not stop it.

So now I am just going to tell you about my sister before Alzheimer's struck.  Alice in a loving caring caretaker.  If you were sick she was right by your side.  If you just wanted to talk she was there.  If you wanted to have a good time and laugh your head off she could do that for you.  Alice was married and had her children.  Then she divorced and remarried about 25 years ago to her husband Irv.  She loved him dearly and he showed her how a wife, mother and friend should be treated.  Marriage is not always perfect, but Irv is her life.

When I was at the doctor with her the second time after she had been diagnosed the doctor said she was in the middle of the scale.  They have a scale of 1 through 30 and she was a 15.  She was on a medication and they started her on a second one to hopefully slow down the dementia.   She seemed to holding pretty well until she fell and broke her hip.  From then on she took a nose dive and I guess another plato. 

I know I have to keep good times in the four front.  The memories we are making now are different, but when we laugh and smile and talk I hold them in my heart.  She will talk about things I have forgotten .  She has good days and then their are those bad days.  You know how we put our kids in Time Out when they needed it?  Well I use Time Out for myself when Alice's mood changes to leave her site for a while knowing she will forget and be fine and like me again when I come out of of my Time Out.

I hope the pages I add to my Blog will help me and my family understand and even share .  I hope others also may read this and help them or even offer suggestions to stay calm, loving and strong.

I hope to share sad times, but mostly hope to share things that go on with my sister that will also put a smile on you face. 

The littlest things makes her happy.  CHOCOLATE!!!!!!    I always try and bring chocolate when I go out to be with her.  The funny is Wow this is good.  I have never eaten this before.  If it anything other than a Hershey Bar.

What ever God has planned for Alice I pray to understand and at peace with it.